How-to : Have Better Conversations

Looking for inspiration and enlightenment, I turned to the internet for help. I was feeling lost about the coming exam week and I wasn’t sure I was ready to start studying for it. I came upon this Video by TED talks and I was surprised by how much it affected me. My life, (In my opinion) has never been the same. It’s by Celeste Headlee. I don’t really know who she is and what she’s done but gee, she has really turned my “social life upside down and that was only  12 mins of watching her talk.

Her topic was all about communication and interacting with people. You may think that this topic has already been worn-out and had been talked about for a million times already — and to be honest, it has been. Almost all the advice that people can think of about conversations had already been given, recycled and repackaged. So what’s so special about this one? What did she say to have so much effect?

I have read articles about “Making people love you” “Trust you more” and “Have better interactions” and they always usually start with cliche sentences like — “Be interested in what he/she is interested in”, “Give effort to study about what the person likes and like it as well”. At first it really did work out. People are more interested in conversing and hanging out with me and the usual awkward exchange of hi’s and hello’s would transform to 4 hours of phone calls and comments on photos. It works, it really does. 

But what if it doesn’t? And what if the person you’re interested in, have interests that can not or will not give you the spark and the energy to talk about with him/her? What if you you dont have the luxury to involve yourself with their interest? Doesn’t it feel insincere whenever you pretend to like something because you like person you’re talking to? The speaker’s answer? 

DON’T. Don’t converse.

Caffe bene Light bulbs. Photo by me.

Here’s 6 of the tips I liked about Celeste’s talk and my very own take on them.

1. Stop the BS. If you don’t want to talk, dont. Never Multi-task.

This, for me, was a gold mine. It’s so simple yet it made so much sense. How do you make better conversations? If you don’t want to talk, you’re not interested about the topic or just don’t like the person, Don’t. People, your friends or family deserves your whole attention. Deserves someone who’s interested in talking and to respond, if you’re not that person, then don’t talk. It’s either you wont really understand what you’re talking about, you won’t pay attention or it wouldn’t really matter. I agree with this so much. No one deserves half-hearted conversations. Why should anyone pretend they’re interested. Right?

Caffe bene @ Eastwood Libis. Photo by me

2. It’s two-way. Participate.

Congratulations if you had decided to converse then here are two things you have to remember — Respond and Be honest/Frank.

It’s actually really easy. It’s called “talking” because you guys are exchanging ideas, feelings and comments. The conversation will be so much better if both of you are honest with each other and if you guys are really participating in it. Ask questions. Say how you really truly feel. Be part of it. If you can’t then stop. 

3.  Listen

This is actually requirement if you want to converse. Listen because you won’t understand if you don’t. Listen because you will learn. Listen because there are so many people who makes mistakes when they don’t. Listen because you are interested. It all revolves around this.

4.  Do not pretend like you know.

There are two things in this item that I wanna share.
A. When talking about feelings/confessions/memories
Don’t ever pretend like you know how it feels when you don’t. A lot of advice for topics like these would say — “Agree” make the person feel like you know what it feels, you understand what it felt like.” Most of the time, doing this would make you look insincere. If you don’t know how it feels, don’t act like you do. Yes, you’re looking for common ground and similarities but remember — we’re talking about honesty and sincerity here. Feelings are different for everyone. Explore those differences. That would make a good conversation topic. 
B. When talking about facts/events/information.
It’s going to look really funny when someone says things that are inaccurate or false just to prove his/her wits or “excellence”. If you don’t know what happened at the end of the Harry Potter series, don’t proclaim that you do. If you haven’t read the case analysis of a certain incident, don’t pretend that you do. How humiliating it must be to be proven wrong when you confidently state something false and get found out. I know how this feels and I have been through this a lot of times. How I wish I could have just said “I didn’t know.” than debate and be proven wrong. Making mistakes is a learning process but admitting you didn’t know when you don’t is also something we should practice.

5. Be open to learn



Have you heard of the saying — “Everyone is fighting a battle, be kind always.”?

When conversing, be open to learn. Be open to ideas and emotions of other people. You may agree or disagree, you may not like what he/she is saying but isn’t that one of the things that make conversations better? Diversity is what develops our critical thinking. When you’re open to learn, new perspectives may arise for you. You get to see things better (or worst), you can see things and understand things from the view point of someone else. It’s like being there yourself. When you’re open to learn, you grow. And honestly, someone who’s open to know more about what you’ve been to is so much easier to talk with. 

6. Get ready to share who you are.

At the same time, being open to someone else’s ideas and feelings means that you must also be open to share who you are to that person. Remember that a conversation is an exchange. It’s an avenue for you and the person you’re talking to, to get to know more about each other and learn things. Be a person who not only listens but also shares and participate. Be someone who people talk to because you’re someone they learn from, you’re a person they get advice from. When you do this, you have already achieved a “better conversation”.

Caffe Bene @ Eastwood, Libis. Photo by me
 
You can watch more TED talks videos by visiting their website at Ted Website

And you can also follow their facebook at www.facebook.com/TED and twitter @ www.twitter.com/tednews


Are you having problems with your self-esteem? Need a little boost? Here’s a post I made just for us who know how ot feels to doubt ourselves. Read it with me here – Dealing with Self-Doubt ❤️

Watch the video above and also share with me what you think. How did you like this post? Did you learn anything? Is there something you also want to share? Hit me up at the comments section below. ⬇️

Amor Bakery : sBread your love – Katipunan Branch

1. Nothing pains me more than going to my favorite coffee shops (To study for hell week, duh) and finding out that there are no more tables available for me. 2. Worst : Waiting 5 – 10 minutes hoping for someone to leave but getting your heart broken because no one does. 3. Worst than worst : Moving on and finding out that your back-up favorite cafe is ALSO full and no one has plans on making you study. 

Do you give up and not study? NO. You visit Amor Bakery.


If you’re tired of the usual hustle and bustle of Starbucks, CBTL and other coffee shops then boy, do I have news for you. 

Amor Bakery, as shown on the pictures below, has space for your whole lecture class. (Just kidding, but really, it’s so big.) Located at 297 Katipunan Avenue, Loyala Heights, Quezon city (They have branches also at Mindanao Ave, Binondo, Ongpin.) has 2 floors filled with tables, couches and areas conducive for your next alone-time studying or “Inarte”. 



I fell in love. And I know you will too, especially with this branch in Katipunan that recently Grand Launched the start of October.

Here are 3 Things I love about the Katipunan Branch.

1. The Instagram – Worthy Interior.


You cannot miss this. Their heavily thought of design is prevalent even outside the place. It becomes even more appealing inside, especially when you see all the lamps, chandeliers and book cases. (I looked really weird, taking photos of every part of the place.)


Every side is worth the shot, as each area has a different story. Tables and chairs are not similar in design and every table has a lamp and a chandelier to light up your world. (LOL)
and hey, the comfort rooms are funky too. (And also have chandeliers) 


2. Their Menu ( Food especially their Bread and Coffee.)

Imagine French Baker topped with Statbucks Coffe but better.

Wasn’t able to try everything but I’ll make sure to come back for more. Definitely going back for the cakes!

In the meantime, I got myself a taste of their Bread with spicy floss and the one with almonds and a large serving of Caramel Macchiato.


PS: Take outs are available and you don’t actually have to stay there to enjoy their delicious meals.

What about the costs? 

– Medium to Pricey.

Bread and Coffee are priced relatively the same as other coffee shops and bakeries. I found their bread cheaper and more satisfying tbh. (But hey, Try for yourself.)

3. The Ambiance

Yup. We have found it folks. No need to worry about studying as almost everyone who’s inside are busy with their workload/acads/org work and are too consumed with their laptops to even make noise. Ofcourse, we can’t really stop anyone from talking or making any noise as this is a public place but trust me when I say that, you wouldn’t really hear them as the place is really wide and their “fancy playlist” is balancing the sounds enough to help you focus on what you have to do. Productivity = Check!

You’re surely going to finish a lot of work here as the place is also OPEN from 7AM to 12 MN. No stress with hearing staff announcing last orders or closing time. 
CONCLUSION : Perfect for your next study session or for dates. (With your loved one or yourself)

Alas, because the branch had only opened early October, the place still do not have WIFI available for their customers. Cons – No access to the net and won’t be able to uplaod your gorgeous selfie. Pro – More time to study, less distraction and hey, more reasons to interact or chat with your friends without being distracted by your phones. Good thing is you asked me. 🙂

Ratings:

Interior – 10/10

Ambiance – 10/10

Food – 8/10 (Because I haven’t tried everytying yet.)

Price – 7/10 (Because of expensive coffee, but bread and cake prices are good.)

Space + Comfort – 10/10

Instagram Worthy Photos – 10/10

There you have it! I hope you found the place as lovely as I did and I hope you check them out! Nothing beats having to check out a place and being able to write about the experience. How exciting! 

Visit Amor Bakery’s Social media ccounts @ amor.bakery on Instagram and AmorBakery @ twitter.com

Thanks for dropping by! You should go visit the place and rate it for youself. In the meantine, you can go to the comment section below ⬇️ if you have any questions, concerns or stories you wanna share. Happy Blogging! 

If you’re feeling a little rejected and ready to say good bye to happiness,  check this post out – EMBRACING REJECTION