It’s 5:30 in the morning and you find yourself at the wrong side of the bed. The buzzing sound of your alarm, the morning light shining at your face and the voice of your mom ringing through your ears as she tries to wake you up, everything seems so irritating to you this morning. You can still feel the tiredness of your eyes from all the stalking and instagramming that you did all night. You sigh heavily, regretting about your decision to sleep 4 hours after midnight and wishing you could turn back time. You wish you could shut everything out and go back to bed, but you can’t. Either you have school or you have something important to accomplish today, point is you can’t go back to sleep and this is already making you crazy. Today will officially suck, you tell yourself, not realizing that you could still turn this around.
I have recently met a friend from the city who asked me a surprising question that I have never thought I would hear. He said, “Are you ever alone? It seems like you have so many friends and very interesting stories that I can’t seem to imagine you being alone and not doing anything”
You wake up one day and you realize that you’ve fallen in love. He was dashing, like the ones on television; the captain of the basketball team, Mr. Face of the night at your junior year’s prom. Every girl would swoon and sigh whenever he walks down the hallway and above all else, he could sing. It was like he was taken straight out of your favorite dystopian novels and you just can’t seem to get enough.
It was as if he was taken straight out of those chick flicks that you and your best friends would love to watch on a rainy Monday with all the chips and ice cream and accompanied by the latest album of one of your favorite boy bands. You’ve seen all of his photos at least thrice and know every last girl who has left a comment on each one. You would wait for every single holiday just so you could send him a greeting. Even the slightest sound of his name would make your head tingle and your mind burn with passion.
Making the Move
A little push was all you needed to finally say hello (Oh, and a lot of encouraging from your BFFs). One thing led to another, and suddenly you were hanging out. You didn’t have to wait for a holiday anymore to send him a message and now you could view his photos without having to use your little brother’s account.
He would say hello every time he passes by you and you would hear all the other girls hiss and growl at you like jungle animals ready to attack. You’re friends now! Every little detail that made you love him before can now be enjoyed live via-satellite. You thought you could never ever like anyone as much as you like ice cream and bacon or Ross Geller from FRIENDS. You were wrong. Darling, you were very wrong.
Confession and Consequences
You were in love. . . . . At least, you thought you were.
Long story short, he broke your heart. And wow, he broke it real good. You’ve taken the courage to actually tell him how you feel. Stupid, yes but you would rather let him know, than spend more hours waiting for him to actually look at you for real. Sadly, he doesn’t feel the same. All those nights spent on dreaming about your epic love story and dedicating love songs for him would turn to tweeting movie lines from “One More Chance” and “Starting Over Again.
Your Facebook chat is full of sessions with your friends on how “He doesn’t deserve you” or “It’s his loss, girl”, or all those consolation prize answers, ready to give to someone with a broken heart. Your life was so much better when he wasn’t around, you keep on telling yourself — you were actually okay with just giving love advice to your girl friends, but there he goes, making you fall in love with him, making you believe in happy endings and then suddenly cutting you off. You assumed too much, and girl, trust me, we all did. WE. ALL. DID.
A few weeks later…. (Of sobbing, hating and mending)
You wake up one day and everything has changed. He was still unbelievably attractive, he could still sing and yes, he was still the man of your dreams. But unlike before, there was this strong feeling that it would never be the same. The story of your life, it goes on. You are still the Queen and everything still revolves around your life (At least, in your perspective). And of course he is still the Prince Charming, witty and good with his words, white horse and sword unsheathed, obviously beating all the other princes from every kind of fairy tale imaginable — but you just have to accept that he wasn’t your prince, not in this fairy tale, and there’s nothing to do but accept that.
Maybe the timing was off, maybe he just wasn’t sure, maybe in a year or so we could be together. Maybe I’m just thinking too much, maybe I’m pretending to be okay.
Getting your heart broken sucks. And having to think about maybes and other endless possibilities suck even more, especially if they would never ever come true. But what to do? We all go through these, we all get our hearts broken because if we don’t, then we would never learn how to stand up and live on. All the broken pieces were meant to teach us a lesson, whether we have to be careful who we share our hearts with or simply know how to love ourselves. You may have lost the boy but the memories, the lessons and the love you recieved will always be there to strenghten you and keep you going.
Remember: It gets better, whether it be in a month, a year or ten, it will be better. Just you wait dear.
Have you ever gotten your heart broken? If you have, share it with us and tell us what it taught you. Cheers!
It’s been 3 days of less than 4 hours of sleep, endless written reports, exams and general assemblies. College students weren’t kidding when they said hell weeks could literally kill you. (PS: There really was a person who died from too much work and not enough sleep.) Caffeine, in every form whether it be coffee or energy drinks have gotten through my veins, possibly flowing with my blood or worse replacing it. It’s utterly ridiculous and very much impossible but darling, what if? I’m actually surprised about not having been sent to the hospital yet, then I remembered, “We’re in college now, we can’t afford to get sick. Only death is an acceptable excuse.” Continue reading “Sleepless, yet full of hope”